• Tiger Woods recently spent a good bit of time in the Virgin Islands. There is now a proposal on the table to rename them "The Islands"


• Gatorade: "Is it in you?" Nike: "Just do it". And they say advertising doesn't work.

• How does Tiger keep track of what hole he is playing?By the tattoo on her back

• Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?? Santa only does 3 ho's!!


• Tiger announced yesterday he was glad his wife bashed him in the face with a nine iron. She was about to tee off both of his balls when he woke up at 2am.


• Tiger Woods announced a break from golf today to fix his family and because he is embarrassed. You think you are embarrassed now? Wait until your kids are old enough to google your name.


• In a statement just released, Tiger Woods said he is going to take an "indefinite" break from professional golf. However, he will still try to get in a few holes.


• Why hasn't Tiger been on Oprah yet? She's not his type.


• The black in Tiger caused him to buy the Cadillac Escalade, the asian in him crashed it.


• This from today's Nike marketing press release: Not only are we standing by Tiger Woods now and in the future, we would like to thank Tiger for helping create a new product line for Nike. The Nike Golf Helmet.


• What does Tiger Woods use to clean his ball's? A blonde.


• How do you tell Tiger Woods ball's from the other golfer's? His have teeth marks on them.


• What do women love most about Tiger? His swing.


• I hate Tiger Woods. Now when I tell her I'm going for a game of golf, she knows what I'm really getting up to!


• When Tiger Woods was asked if he had any regrets, he replied "Of course. I wish I had two penises."

more trouble and comedy about golfer Tiger Woods

It seems that jokes about tiger woods and golf have been much appreciated, here's the latest:


Tiger and Elin have signed a new prenuptual agreement. According to the new contract, the next time Tiger plays a round, Elin will hand him his balls.

I guess Tiger wishes now he hadn't shown Elin how to get more power in her swing.....

What's the difference between Elin Woods and 85% of of the PGA tour pros? She beat Tiger....

Tiger's putter made him a billionaire. Tiger's little putter will make him 1/2 a billionaire.

previous tiger woods jokes: Tiger Woods Jokes.

A Bottle of Merlot

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually
attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.' ..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the
man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants.'

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed himto deliver it to the lady.

It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a
Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages;
I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana.
There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio.

But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches.
Just send the bottle back!

, if this was me at highschool and I didn't know, I would have written a fib count dracula told.



, he is, naughty steve!




I have many teacher friends and they tell me many of their pupils mistakes, my favourite was a child that kept mixing up his A's and U's. "you can't do that" took on a whole new meaning in his story.

And so it begins......

1. Tiger's new movie is: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.
2. Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."
3. Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars - now he has a hole-in-one.
4. What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can easily drive a ball 300 metres
5. What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They were clubbing
6. Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant, then a tree. He apparently could not decide between a wood and an iron.
7. Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife for some tips on how to beat him.
8. What does Tiger Woods and a seal cub have in common? They both get clubbed by Norwegians.
9. Why did Tiger Woods leave his house so early? He had to get to the second hole.

Now that's a good wife!

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued..

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.


'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be buggered!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room