Newsbies

Newsbies currently not getting updated

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 14:50:00 +0000

I've been a bit busy as you've probably noticed, but our sister site: MundoFundo is still running.

Regards
Gav.

Even more Tiger Woods Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:01:00 +0000

• Tiger Woods recently spent a good bit of time in the Virgin Islands. There is now a proposal on the table to rename them "The Islands"

• Gatorade: "Is it in you?" Nike: "Just do it". And they say advertising doesn't work.

• How does Tiger keep track of what hole he is playing?By the tattoo on her back

• Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?? Santa only does 3 ho's!!

• Tiger announced yesterday he was glad his wife bashed him in the face with a nine iron. She was about to tee off both of his balls when he woke up at 2am.

• Tiger Woods announced a break from golf today to fix his family and because he is embarrassed. You think you are embarrassed now? Wait until your kids are old enough to google your name.

• In a statement just released, Tiger Woods said he is going to take an "indefinite" break from professional golf. However, he will still try to get in a few holes.

• Why hasn't Tiger been on Oprah yet? She's not his type.

• The black in Tiger caused him to buy the Cadillac Escalade, the asian in him crashed it.

• This from today's Nike marketing press release: Not only are we standing by Tiger Woods now and in the future, we would like to thank Tiger for helping create a new product line for Nike. The Nike Golf Helmet.

• What does Tiger Woods use to clean his ball's? A blonde.

• How do you tell Tiger Woods ball's from the other golfer's? His have teeth marks on them.

• What do women love most about Tiger? His swing.

• I hate Tiger Woods. Now when I tell her I'm going for a game of golf, she knows what I'm really getting up to!

• When Tiger Woods was asked if he had any regrets, he replied "Of course. I wish I had two penises."

Tiger Woods on Saturday Night Live (SNL)

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:24:00 +0000

more trouble and comedy about golfer Tiger Woods

Jokes about Tiger Woods

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 12:12:00 +0000

It seems that jokes about tiger woods and golf have been much appreciated, here's the latest:

Tiger and Elin have signed a new prenuptual agreement. According to the new contract, the next time Tiger plays a round, Elin will hand him his balls.

I guess Tiger wishes now he hadn't shown Elin how to get more power in her swing.....

What's the difference between Elin Woods and 85% of of the PGA tour pros? She beat Tiger....

Tiger's putter made him a billionaire. Tiger's little putter will make him 1/2 a billionaire.

previous tiger woods jokes: Tiger Woods Jokes.

A Bottle of Merlot

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:27:00 +0000

A Bottle of Merlot

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually
attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.' ..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the
man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants.'

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed himto deliver it to the lady.

It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a
Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages;
I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana.
There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio.

But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches.
Just send the bottle back!

exam answers, if you don't know give the funniest answer you can.

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:36:00 +0000

, if this was me at highschool and I didn't know, I would have written a fib count dracula told.

, he is, naughty steve!

I have many teacher friends and they tell me many of their pupils mistakes, my favourite was a child that kept mixing up his A's and U's. "you can't do that" took on a whole new meaning in his story.

Tiger Woods Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 08:52:00 +0000

And so it begins......

1. Tiger's new movie is: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.
2. Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."
3. Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars - now he has a hole-in-one.
4. What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can easily drive a ball 300 metres
5. What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They were clubbing
6. Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant, then a tree. He apparently could not decide between a wood and an iron.
7. Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife for some tips on how to beat him.
8. What does Tiger Woods and a seal cub have in common? They both get clubbed by Norwegians.
9. Why did Tiger Woods leave his house so early? He had to get to the second hole.

How's the Wife?

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 10:18:00 +0000

Now that's a good wife!

Jesus is Watching You...

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 21:45:00 +0000

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued..

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

3 little pigs...

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:24:00 +0000

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be buggered!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room

The cheating husband?

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 22:48:00 +0000

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children!

I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death!

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 22:49:00 +0000

Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless
and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!

A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge The balance had
been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to the ANZ Bank:

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

ANZ:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

ANZ:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to
the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

ANZ:
'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her
being dead?'

ANZ:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

ANZ:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)

ANZ:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

ANZ:
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I
can do to help.'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
her. I don't think she will care.'

ANZ:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'

ANZ:
'That might help.'

Family Member:
' Rookwood Memorial Cemetery , 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney Plot Number
1049.'

ANZ:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member:
'Well, what the HELL do you do with dead people on your planet?'

Time constraints

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 11:19:00 +0000

Hi everyone, due to time constraints from work and university study the site is currently on hold, however Feather has started back up at Mundo Fundo.

Swine Flu Song - Scottish Falsetto Socks

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 22:06:00 +0000

The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Thearter, I love the socks, their take on the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and Swine Flu.

Peter Russell Clarke - Blooper Reel

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 22:02:00 +0000

the wholsome Peter Russell Clarke in some fantastic bloopers.

Daichi for Beatbox Battle Wildcard

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 10:47:00 +0000

from the creator:
My name is Daichi, I am 18 years old Japanese. You might have seen me on other videos where I perfomed on a Japanese TV show called "Hamonepu".

This time I did my best to win the Beatbox Battle wildcard. I hope you enjoy!

Under the ruler faster than the ruler

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 09:42:00 +0000

from the author:
Another model demonstrating the principle of the cart that moves down wind faster than the wind. Inspired by some ideas posted on the discussion at forums.randi.org, I made a simple cart that is propelled underneath a moving surface, faster than that surface. The large wheel, turning against the direction of movement of the ruler, is very similar to the propeller of the wind-powered cart, turning against the wind.

Western Spaghetti by PES

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 14:39:00 +0000

this is a very well done stop motion video and has rightly won a fair few awards:

Written and Directed by PES
*2009 Sundance Film Festival Winner *2009 Audience Award, Annecy Animation Festival *TIME Magazine voted #2 Internet Video of the Year

Sex in the Car, it's not what you think!

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 11:44:00 +0000

men, we're dumb aren't we!

WOW Youtube removed it! Yet you can see dog fights, very bad violence and other graphic crap on youtube, yet something like this:

Has been removed! of course it's been uploaded again. ;)

Johannes Aira - Body Beat Box

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 09:50:00 +0000

i wouldn't call him the ultimate, but he's not bad, better than me at least!

Hypnotized Chair Sex

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 07:30:00 +0000

what can one say!?

Yoga Ball Flip Stunt

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 11:59:00 +0000

that's just fantastic!!!

Clever pig

noreply@blogger.com (Feather) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 11:06:00 +0000

Pigs are really intelligent animals. I don't think a lot of people like to think about that when they're tucking into their pork sausages. One of the many reason's I'm a vegetarian. Makes you think. Enjoy this cute little pig's skills.

Funny kids

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:45:00 +0000

I don't want kids, but I'm starting to think maybe i should have them just to enter funny home video shows!

Star Wars according to a 3 year old.

noreply@blogger.com (Finance Gav) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:17:00 +0000

from the original poster:
Here is my daughter, age 3, explaining the plot of Star Wars Episode IV.

She explained the whole movie to me in much greater detail but unfortunately I didn't have the camera going. When I finally caught her talking about the movie again she delivered this truncated, but still funny, version.

Edit: Thank you all for the nice comments. Maybe I will print them out for her and someday and when she's all growed up she'll get to read them herself.

A little more about the video: She wasn't coached to say anything, nor was she forced to make the video. She rarely stops talking. Those of you with children understand this: sometimes it's harder to turn the faucet off than to turn the faucet on.

Believe it or not, she has the seem the movie only once, and I spread it out over 3 days so it wouldn't be too much all at once for her.

The video was edited to make it shorter, more cohesive and hopefully funnier. I did move some of the lines around so it would make more sense.